Hey what's up Newgrounds? So uhh... it's already been more than a year that started uploading my art on Newgrounds full time (whenever I finish a new piece at least). I'm not trying to rush things, but at the same time I've had a lot on my mind as of late and I hope I can express my feelings in a coherent manner, so here we go.
When it comes to art, like I said in my previous journal here, I always posted on DeviantART because I quickly felt comfortable posting over there and it felt inviting whenever people would post comments or whenever I'd have those rare occasions where I'd interact with strangers that became my best friends overtime. I'm never gonna take that away, but as of late, ever since the catastrophe that was the "Eclipse" overhaul, the site has been slowly falling apart and me and my friends moved on to other websites like Tumblr, Twitter, etc, but we mostly chat through Discord, since it's the most direct way to stay in contact with them and nobody else, because frankly, the world is filled with shitty people and I can't imagine myself being part of a cringey community or fandom that serves no purpose other than to annoy me or waste my time completely on people that I couldn't give two shits about... so sharing my art to my friends is the best option I've got so far. I don't want to be famous nor do I want to have a job in art, animation or video game studios, because ever since I graduated from 3D Animation back in 2015, I felt into an immense burn out and semi-depressed state where I thought my future career as an artist was in ruin, but thankfully, I found another avenue as a butcher that pays the bills, so it's good enough for me. So all in all, I personally still want to draw as a hobby and not as job and don't want anyone trying to convince me otherwise, because I've already been in this path and I don't wanna look back.
Another thing that's kinda been ruined lately, not just for me, but for a lot of people as well are video game releases in this 'new age' that everyone is forcefully propelled into as I like to jokingly call the "modern gaming" era. As I grow older, it truly feels like games are not as fun anymore to me, especially since we can just look at some retrospective or reviews on YouTube which ultimately determines if we're going to buy a game or not and the amount of enjoyment we can have as consumers. I rarely feel any emotion towards games, apart from the ones that have a strong emotional narrative or solid gameplay loop that makes me wanna come back to them occasionally. I think it's also the fact a lot of older games don't get re-released (looking at you Nintendo), so I just end having to find a ROM file and play said games through emulators since that's obviously the only way to play those games. Also the fact that a lot of studios mostly focus on micro-transactions, loot boxes and having the "fix it later" mentally just downright turns me off, man... like, what happened to simply having fun?! It's effing ridiculous how the state of gaming as regressed over the years, it makes me sad thinking about, therefor, it just makes me wanna go back and play nostalgic games or heck, even looking for some Indie games seem more enticing than ever. Don't get started on the whole NFT trend, cuz this shit needs to die in a fire and QUICK.
Social media is also another thing that just feels overwhelming (well, to me at least) as of late. It's so easy to waste time scrolling through Facebook or Twitter, liking stuff without interacting with anyone or barely get noticed because some people have weird mentalities or they only respond with 'likes' or emojis which is fine I guess, but I mean... what's so difficult about writing a few words expressing how you truly feel abo-- oh wait, it's Twitter we're talking. Everyone gets SO easily offended by anything you can say or post online, it's not even funny anymore, so most of the time, I simply look at art, like them and move on, because I don't see the point of interacting with people that might not even care about me whatsoever, because I only have 10 followers or something. I feel like this goes back to the art topic I mentioned earlier, but it's true, even back on DA, I barely interacted with anyone, mostly 'faving and running', because I get anxious knowing that I might type something regretful or that my comment might simply be ignored in the sea of other comments from one artist... can you blame me? :/
So yeah, hope I somewhat made sense in my rants, but that's just how I've been feeling lately especially when looking at the internet in a magnifying glass. The internet can be a great place, but it can also be a dangerous place for your mental state and being, and I just hope I can make myself happy somehow even when things might seem out of order or might not know where I truly belong.
Stay safe whoever will be reading this and wish me luck in my endeavors. Salutations!
